I know it’s very early in the year, and there are plenty more idiocies to look forward to in 2026, but I have already read what will surely be a contender for Stupidest Phrase to be published in a national newspaper this year.

It comes, of course, from Rod Liddle. And it comes, equally predictably, from The Sunday Times, where he is inexplicably paid to write utter nonsense every week. And it comes from the Stupidest Sentence to be publishsed in a national newspaper this year.

The phrase? “Right-wing food.”

Yes, you did read that correctly. Rod’s a fan. In fact he goes out of his way to eat right-wing food because he hates “lefties” and everything they stand for, like vegetarianism, veganism, cycling, multiculturalism and so on. And what, you may wonder, is “right-wing food”?

Sausage rolls.

Here’s the full sentence, which came from a column he spewed out about the LNER 1st Class steward who was recently fired (rightly, obvs) for giving a customer a sausage roll he had just picked out of the bin:

“I often choose the sausage roll from the complimentary menu because it is usually the only right-wing food available,” writes Rod, “every other item having after it a string of letters signifying that it is suitable for all the miserablist, buttock-clenching, self-regarding delusionals who eschew anything that tastes nice.”

It could even top Rod’s Stupidest Sentence award last year, which he won in November with his preposterous claim that, on a visit to London: “In 12 hours I didn’t speak to a single person who had English as a first language.”

There were other preposterous parts of that anecdote, not least the idea that he was only in the capital for 12 hours, but here are a few others from his fabricated account of half a day in London:

His pre-booked hotel cost £400 a night (wtf!) and when he checked in by London Bridge Station they told him his room was not available so he had to go to their sister hotel in Kensington (Really?).

He then orders a half-bottle of wine from room service (Why, when there are pubs in Kensington?). He claims there was no corkscrew and that none of the hotel staff even knew what a corkscrew was (Because, guess what, they were all Muslims. And Muslims have never seen corkscrews).

In the morning the hotel refuses to book an Uber for him because it only books black cabs for guests (Hardly surprising they can’t book him an Uber, since we all know you have to book an Uber on your own phone).

When it arrives, the Uber driver is called ‘Mohammed’ (OK, that’s possible) and the journey takes an hour and a half because Mo is adamant that London Bridge Station is north of the river (Which it isn’t). And he refuses to change the route without Rod contacting Uber and filling out a form (Hmmmm, I’ve never had to do that and I’ve changed routes before).

If I had Liddle’s address I would gladly supply it here so you can all write to tell him all about one of the world’s most efficient urban transit systems, the new-fangled ‘London Underground’ (maiden journey: January 10, 1863), which could have conveyed him from Earl’s Court to London Bridge Station in 33 minutes (I just checked).

I also checked the cost of hotel chains with branches in London Bridge and Earls Court, which seem to include Ibis (£93) and Premier Inn ((£83) and Comfort Inn (£72). Perhaps they had read his columns before and, seeing his name on the reservation, added a special Cunt Tax just for him.