This song is shit. Obviously it’s shit – it’s by Robbie Williams and everything he’s ever done is shit. This is no exception.

Angels? Oh fuck off, it’s a sickly, sentimental pile of shite. Let Me Entertain You? Only if you were to self-immolate onstage. Rock DJ? A real one would never play it.

Now he’s back, and hopefully not for good: the least original artist in the whole music universe (with the possible exception of Lenny Kravitz).

A bloke whose every song sounds like a pastiche of someone else, married to self-serving lyrics about Robbie and his neverending ambition to be the biggest and best rock star on the planet.

A laudable ambition with just one flaw – he’s utterly devoid of talent.

So here he is with a new tune called Rocket. And I had to listen to it because I was intrigued to learn that its got guest appearances by Tony Iommi and Glenn Hughes.

Yes, that Tony Iommi – the hairy old guitarist from Black Sabbath, presumably in search of freelance work now the boss has gone – and that Glenn Hughes, the hairy old bass guitarist from Deep Purple.

So what’s it like? Will it sound like the Sabs? Will it rock like something a real rock DJ would play? Will it fuck. It is, of course, inevitably, unavoidably, ineluctably, inescapably shite. It rocks about as much as Coldplay and James Blunt rock.

But you’ll want to hear it once. And you might want to see the video in which Robbie does his bit for the Tourist Board by running around London landmarks dressed up as a pantomime punk, with a crowd of young “punks” running after him.

It’s dismal, abysmal, inexcusable. And probably a huge hit single.